


One Day at Hogwarts (Crackfic)

by pockychan7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Funny, Gen, Sexy, Silly, WTF, Weirdness, professor snape has lost it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3958237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockychan7/pseuds/pockychan7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry, Ron and Hermione decide to come to Potions class early and are met with a strange surprise from Professor Snape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day at Hogwarts (Crackfic)

One day at Hogwarts... Professor Sprout decided that her Herbology class worked so hard that she let them out early. "Now remember, class, tomorrow is a quiz. I expect you to practice on those plants that I gave you last week in order to prepare." As Harry, Hermione, and Ron left the greenhouse, Hermione told Harry,  
"You must study hard tonight for the quiz tomorrow. You're currently doing terribly in Herbology. I can help you if you want."  
"Thanks! That would be helpful," Harry said, "I am trying to do well. And I'm not stupid like Crabbe and Goyle."  
"Well, you should at least try a little harder, if you want to do well." Hermione stated. Ron rolled his eyes. Hermione looked toward him, and added,  
"And you! You don't even bother to study!"  
Ron stuttered, "W-well, I-I cant!"  
"And why not?" Hermione asked sternly.  
"Well, there are more important things to study for." he argued.  
"Like what?"  
"Like that wicked hard test Snape is giving us today." he replied.  
Harry stopped in his tracks.  
"Oh, shit! I forgot all about that,” Harry exclaimed, "Ah well. I'm failing anyway." He shrugged. Hermione gave him a disappointed look.  
"It's not today, it's tomorrow. You still have time." she said.  
“Gah! You said it was today, Harry! I could’ve gotten some sleep last night!” Ron cried.  
“I did? I guess I was mistaken. Sorry, Ron.” Harry apologized.  
“Hmph!” Ron rolled his eyes once again.  
Because they had gotten out early, Hermione suggested that they arrive at Potions class early, too. They walked through the dark dungeons. Little did they know that they would experience something out-of-the ordinary. As they strolled through the corridor to Potions class, Ron, Hermione, and Harry heard a loud, screeching noise.  
"Ugh! What in the world is that noise?!" Harry asked.  
"I don't know. But it sounds horrible!" Hermione exclaimed. The closer they got to the classroom, the louder and more horrible the noise became.  
"It sounds like a sick Hippogriff!" Harry complained.  
"What the bloody hell is it?" Ron asked, agitated. As they neared the classroom, the awful noise sounded like a human voice.  
"I think it's someone's voice!" said Hermione.  
"I didn't know the Hogwarts chorus sounded that bad!" Ron said. Harry noticed that the voice sounded strangely familiar.  
"Ron, that’s not the Hogwarts chorus," he told him, "that sounds to me like our Potions teacher." And sure enough it was none other than Professor Snape. When the three of them entered the classroom, they saw the greasy black head of Snape, his back turned to them. He was chanting something, but what they couldn't tell. He was moving his hips from side to side. He appeared to be dancing.  
"What the hell is he doing?" Ron whispered.  
"I think he's singing," Hermione replied, "But I've never heard singing like that." Harry tried to make out what he was saying, his voice was so ghastly it was hard to tell. Then he heard familiar lyrics being spoken:  
"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it HURTS!" Harry recognized the lyrics because Dudley used to sing to that song, and even though Dudley was bad, it was nowhere near as bad as when Snape sang it.  
"Wait, I think I know this song." Harry whispered.  
"What is it?" Ron asked.  
"I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. I remember Dudley used to sing to it."  
"Ah," Ron said. Then he made a face and said, "Did he just say, ‘I'm too sexy for my cat?'"  
"Yes. Yes he did." Harry replied, horrified. Hermione gasped in dismay. This moment was just too disturbing for the three of them to handle. Suddenly, Harry felt an itch in his noise. He tried to hold it in, but he couldn't and out came a loud sneeze! There was a sudden silence. Harry quickly hid behind a wall and held his breath. Snape turned around, and happened to catch a glimpse of the three of them rushing towards the wall.  
"Who are you?" he demanded. The three of them were silent. Harry still held in his breath, hoping that Snape would leave them alone.  
"I want an answer! Granger! Potter! Weasley! I know you're hiding behind there! You can't fool me!" he barked. Harry, Hermione, and Ron peeked out from behind a corner, and sulked towards him. Hermione looked terribly ashamed and frightened, and couldn't even look at the professor. Ron scrunched up his face as if there was an awful stench in the classroom. Harry tried to look as brave as possible, but inside his heart was pounding madly. Professor Snape glared at them.  
"What do you think you are doing?" he asked sternly.  
"Professor Sprout dismissed us early, so we thought we would head over to Potions class ahead of time." Hermione told him nervously.  
"Don't lie, Granger. You have pretty good academic performance already in this class, you don't want to ruin it by lying to your own professor." Snape snapped.  
"But why would she lie about something like that?" Ron asked him.  
"Weasley, don't think that defending her won't get you in trouble, also," Snape said, "I know what you three were up to. You were spying, weren't you?"  
"No we weren't!" Harry protested.  
"And I have no doubt that this was originally Potter's idea." Snape growled.  
"But we weren't doing any of that!" Ron said angrily. But Snape would not listen. "Detention! All of you!" he yelled, "You will see me after class! But now, take your seats. Class will start in a minute."  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked away from Professor Snape and sat down.  
"It's not like we did anything wrong." Harry muttered under his breath. Then Ron smiled. And during the whole lesson he didn't change the happy expression from his face. Harry found this odd considering Ron was in Potions class and got detention, two things Harry definitely wouldn't be happy about. After detention, Harry spoke to Ron.  
"What was with you smiling the whole class and making those weird noises?" He asked. "Oh," Ron blushed, "Well, you know, I just couldn't get past the thought of Snape singing that song! I was trying to hold my laughter in, but it was too bloody funny!" Then he burst out laughing. He had been building his laughter up throughout the whole class and chose to release it in the library. Hermione looked up from reading a book. She had an annoyed look on her face. Harry started laughing as well. They both laughed so hard that even Hermione couldn't help let out a giggle. After the snickering died down, Harry glanced around the room. Students were giving him strange looks, including Cho, which made Harry pull himself together once again. Hermione made them swear that they would never act like that ever again in the library, but Harry knew that would not last long.

The next day, Harry practiced for the Quidditch Cup Tournament.  
"We're up against the Slytherin team, so we better not do anything stupid." Oliver Wood told him, "So why didn't you come to practice this morning?"  
"I had detention with Professor Snape." Harry told him.  
"Poor you. What for?" Oliver asked.  
"It's a long story!" Harry replied, smirking. Oliver didn't ask anymore after that. That night, Harry went up to the boys' dormitory with a grin on his face, even though he was, in truth, exhausted, which usually made him miserable. As he got into bed, he snickered to himself, images of Snape dancing around the Quidditch field, singing strange tunes and looking completely ridiculous, popping into his mind. Harry just couldn't wait to see what surprising quirks were in store for him tomorrow.


End file.
